Don't touch that, Rodent

At work we have a little red wire shopping cart, down an isle that is filled with rather stupid boring overpriced toys that every one seams to think are the greatest things ever invented. Very few of the items down that isle ever sell, yet the isle is always a plethora of elderly and extremely young children who seam to believe that product will sell better on the floor, or shoved into the cupboards on the kitchen display, or Perhaps any where else that they can hide it. The cart though is the bane of my day.
Not a single day goes by where I don’t see that cart being drug around the store by some doltish child who deep down believes that if they can carry it around long enough and Perhaps fill it full enough with as much random crap as they can, their parent, nearly always mom, will by it for them. However every time I see that cart being toted around the store I surely find it in the reshop in the front ( all the items that people have chosen not to purchase, usually after they see the total of their bill).
Bottom line I’m sick of cleaning up after children that the parents are too lazy or dumb to take care of them selves. Need less to say that I shouldn’t type the things that I would wish on these urchin’s. The problem, though, seams to be getting worse also. Each generation seams to abide by fewer and fewer manners. I know that I blame the children, and that it is not their fault that they have poor parents. However they are the faces that poster board the problem so it is easy for me to pass blame to their weak thin boned shoulder.
The real bottom line is that no store should carry toy shopping carts. They are just looked upon by patrons, young and old alike, as a toy to play with in the store, rather than an item to be purchased.

The Muffin Man

The meaning of life. A question that has plagued both the lay person and the scholars alike. While I believe that the meaning is much more simple than they wanted to believe. For the answer to that question all that you have to do is look to the Lemon Head for advice.
Yes, the Lemon Head, candy spokes person turned "know all" guru. There is nothing that this all knowing charter dose not know. Ask him a question and he will give you an answer that is both witty and practical.
I first learned of the Lemon Head’s new calling from a friend of mine. He informed me of the Lemon Heads new business giving advice with his new partner Judy-Fruit, the sister to the Juji Fruit candy’s spokes person. Apparently they had grown tired of their roles in the candy industry and decided to branch out, giving advice. Later I heard more about them from a song that they produced entitled Lemon Head.
At first I didn’t know what to make of this strange business arrangement that they had going, so I consulted my lawyer, Mr. Zandeer. I mean really, ex-candy spokes people in the business of giving advice and producing songs, that just seams odd. He took some time and did some research on their corporation. He reported back to me that they weren’t exactly on the up and up. In fact there were some rather shady dealings with a Shedu. Further more these dealings were supposabley under the direct supervision of Scarebob.
I know, I thought that Scarebob was a myth also, but according to Mr. Zandeer, he was spotted with a rather shady drunken character at the Meijers on Alpine street some time ago, buying liqueur and lottery tickets. A coincidence, passably, but can we afford to take this risk?
Even more recently the friend who informed me of this strange advice giving duo, who’s name I shall keep to protect him, has been warned Form the Lemon Head that he know too much. He has had his life threatened and refuses to talk on the subject any further.
Who knows how Manny others have lost their lives to the shady dealings of the afore mentioned charters. I have heard rumors of Lemon Head and Judy-Fruit running cars off the road to silence those who might talk. There is no telling how many have lost their lives to the entanglement of the Shedu’s bands, no how many have gone mad just by looking into the googlyness of Scarebobs eyes.
So I implore all who read this letter to be on guard. The afore mentioned charters are a routy group of braggarts who are not to be trusted. I believe that is already too late for me though, this morning when I got in my car I found a box of Juji Fruits in my glove box. I fear that I am too deeply entangled in the bands to find freedom. I ask only for your help in spreading the word, the Lemon Head is not to be trusted.
-The Muffin Man

Well I'm here

I have decided to join the ranks of bloger's now too.